I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
