Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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