I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
