i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
