The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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