I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
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