I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
