i don't like sucking hair
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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