im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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