Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
