I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
