Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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