I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
