i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
