he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
