it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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