i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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