I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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