You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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