Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
