He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
