Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
