I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
