Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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