M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Randomize
