You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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