I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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