Cold hands, warm shart.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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