i just made my gag reflex go away.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
