Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
