I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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