Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The air taste purple.
Randomize
