Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
