Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
