does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
