so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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