dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize