not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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