I will die if light touches me.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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