Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
