i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
