The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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