She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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