You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
