So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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