I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
