how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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