I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
