Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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