I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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