Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize