dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
