Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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