38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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