Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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