Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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