Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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