These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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