Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
