I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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