Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
