We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
