I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
MIDGETS
????
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
