A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
