just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
