I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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