haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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