You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
