i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
