i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
