please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
